freewriting 2-20-14

I hate how money is basically what this world revolves around.  We need money to eat, drink, go places, get clothes, and so much more.  When we lend people money, it is like we are giving them a part of our life.  Depending on the amount we are giving away, we feel depressed, as if we are not going to be able to function properly without the money.  We never stop to think that the other person may or may not actually give back what he or she has borrowed.  Instead, we just usually feel guilty and feel bad for the person needing money, and so we go ahead and give it to them, or at least that is how I am.  I think that I am too generous at times, and I feel like certain people that I am close with take advantage of me to an extent, without even knowing that they are doing so.  Every time I let someone borrow money, I tell them to just pay me back when they can..even though I am always struggling with money.  Sometimes people forget to pay me back, and I don't have the heart to tell them that they still owe me money.  So as I sit in debt from medical bills, I am still lending money to people in my family, and even people outside of my family.  I need to start making a list of people that owe me money, and I also need to write down how much they owe me.  The only problem is that there are certain people that I let borrow money, and it has become such a habit, that they do not even stop to think of how bad I am struggling right now.  I feel as if nobody cares about anything but themselves, and I guess that's what you have to do when it comes to money.  I don't understand why money has to even matter.  I wish trading was just as equivalent to paying for things.  Life would be so much easier if it worked that way.  Unfortunately it doesn't, and I feel like poor people should have a better chance in the world.  The ones who have everything given to them really bother me.  People need to learn responsibilities and that spending money on every little thing that they "need" is not going to get them far in life.  They need to learn how to save money and how to even go about spending money in the first place.